I had been exchanging messages with a guy that I met- virtually- in the internet. He seemed nice and cool so when he asked for my mobile number, I obliged. I don’t usually give my phone number out to people who I chat with, I mean, I am just freaking paranoid about people finding out about me. But I was curious about how far the texting and chatting would go with this guy so I indulged.
I found out that he was working as a technical support agent in a call center. Thankfully, though, he didn’t have that fake American accent that always makes me want to pull my nose hairs one by one. I also discovered that he’s in a straight long distance relationship and that his girlfriend is in the US. I didn’t know if he was kidding me. I asked him what he was doing being cutey with me when he already had a girlfriend and he said he’s not sure the long distance thing he was having was going to work. In other words, I’m his fallback.
Right then I decided that I wanted to just be friends with the guy. I actually have no gay or bisexual friends so having him would make the grand total of one, a stellar improvement.
After about a month of text jokes and how are you’s we decided to meet. I initially wanted to meet him at the Shangri-La mall in Shaw Boulevard since I was afraid that if we met in Makati someone I knew would see us hanging around, but the guy raised a good point that it was too far from where he’s from- which is also Makati- so being the good person that I am (and because I thought I was being difficult) I agreed to meet him in our area. Let’s meet at Powerplant, I told him.
He was late. Not minutes late but two hours late. He apologized profusely and I pretended it was okay by saying, well, “It’s okay.”
We discussed his life over dinner in a Chinese resto. He revealed that besides the girl in the US, he was in yet another relationship with a guy this time. I realized then that I was face to face with a gold digger who is fond of sugar mommies and sugar daddies. Which was kind of incredible because he wasn’t exactly callboy material.
I asked him point blank what his intention was with me.
Funny thing, instead of answering my question he took his cellphone out from his pocket and sent me a text message. It read:
“If you want to have experience, just text me.”
Fucking call boy.
I laughed it off and pretended he didn’t just text me that. After dinner I asked him if he wanted to grab some coffee. He turned to me and said, “Do you want to go to my place?”
Now I must tell you that I’m a little naïve when things come down to this. Does going to the another person’s place automatically mean you’re going to have sex? But I already told this guy I only wanted to be friends with him.
So I said yes. But I made it clear nothing was going ta happen. "We can watch some DVD's then," he offered.
We got into a cab. Inside, I got uncomfortable with what I put myself into. And it must have showed because out came his cellphone again.
“Are you afraid of me?” read the text message.
I looked at him and said no.
We got off a few blocks near his place. I asked him what movies we were going to watch. Naïve, I know. We were walking some few steps when he suddenly pulled me to a dark corner in the street and asked me a question.
“Are we really not going to have sex?”
I thought for a moment about what he said. “You see it’s like this,” I began. “I just want us to be friends. Nothing more.” I actually meant it, I wanted to be friends with him.
“You mean that?”
“Yes,” I said.
"But that's... boring," he complained. Then he went silent. He was probably disturbed that he wasn’t going to do anyone that night.
“I could just go home, you know. I don’t have to go to your place if you think this is a waste of time,” I offered. He insisted it wasn’t a waste of time but I knew better. I decided to get the hell out of the unpretty situation and hailed myself a cab to grab that Starbucks I wanted to down when we were still at the mall.
First date sucks.
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2 comments:
He's a jerk. Why do most people wants to have sex during first dates or EBs? I go with the no sex till the third date (LOL).
First off, there’s a reason why a ‘first date’ is called a ‘first’ date and there’s a definite objective for it.
Email and text are fine in getting-to-know a person. Syntax, structure, spelling and grammar tend to reveal lots of nuances about a person – what a person says, how a person jokes, when a person texts/emails, etc. says much about the person you are interacting with. But it can only go so far. You miss too many important details – how the person looks, what the person’s facial expressions and gestures are, how he or she walks, how he or she sits, what he or she wears, etc. – things you normally don’t pay attention to, but that your mind processes anyway and uses to guide your interaction. In short, if you want to know chemistry (not just mental compatibility), you really need to meet.
Expectations of the first date is normally affected by how you ‘met’ in the first place. I notice that when you meet on chat (esp on certain kinds of chat/interactive sites), a first EB is normally an SEB (pero di naman all the time, mataas lang ang probability). On the other hand, people you meet through a referral tends to be safer. Why? The third person involved tends to act as a guarantor of good behavior (I say tends because it’s not 100% sure either. Wala namang fool proof).
To keep myself out of sticky situations, I always doubled-booked during an EB: I make sure I have an appointment at least 1 or 1.5 hour after the EB meet-up time. I tell that to the person I’m meeting even before we meet. That way, he or she wouldn’t think he or she failed some criteria after we meet kaya I’m running from him or her. If we like each other, we meet again.
I also make sure that when I go some place to meet someone, it’s not the only reason why I’m going to that place. Why? Well, I’m the type who doesn’t like to waste time. An EB is something I squeeze into my schedule – not something I build my schedule around. If the EB turns out to be someone deserving of more special attention, then I slowly factor him or her into my schedule and take it from there.
Finally, I always keep a simple and positive perspective on EBs – it’s really just to get to know. If there are any sexual advances or innuendoes, I laugh it off (e.g. ‘talaga ito o, hahaha…(then change topic)’) or pretend it’s a nice joke or I simply move to another topic… I don’t dwell on it or discuss it. The other party normally gets the message without getting offended. Pag mapalit at naging direct, saka ko sasabihing ‘Huwag muna, I’m not comfortable pa…’ (kahit na ang nasa isip ko‘not ever’). You never want to offend an EB as much as possible. Especially someone you don’t intend to meet again. You never know when someone can get back at you. I keep my objective in mind: new friend. It usually works.
Oh, one last, I never wait for anyone more than 15 minutes. For me, late on a first date gives a very, very bad impression. If you’re late, I just say, ‘I’m sorry but I really have to go. =( Let’s just resked. Ok? =)’ in a tone and manner that is nice but assertive. After all, just as the person is sorry to be running late, I am also sorry I have to go. Being ‘understanding’ goes both ways. Believe me… not waiting does wonders for your self-respect and teaches others to respect your time as well. There are circumstances when I would wait… but those times are few and far between.
Don’t lose hope. =)
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