Losing it

This happened just four weeks ago. It was Friday night and I decided to have myself a night out alone in some seedy tadah! gay bar.

It was going to be my fourth (I think) time in a gay bar. I always go alone; like I said, I don't have any gay friends. The first gay bar that I've been to was somewhere in Sta. Mesa, Manila. I was scared as hell and when the hunk of a guy who moments ago was dancing buck naked on the stage grabbed a chair beside me and made some talk, I panicked. "So, you here frequently?" he asked. "I'm a writer, I'm just doing research!" I blurted out like a guilty schoolboy.

This time, I wanted to go someplace that wasn't very far from Makati. I asked the driver if he knew of such place and he suggested this "secret bar that looks just like an ordinary bar from the outside but if you get in, the place is packed with macho dancers." He spoke as if he'd been to the place before, but I didn't investigate further. "Is the place safe?" A stupid question, I know, but it wouldn't hurt to ask. "Yes, it's perfectly safe," he tells me."It's by the road and there's a lot of cabs that pass by, you wouldn't have trouble getting home." Awww, spoken like a true pimp.

To the "secret place" then.

When we arrived, I was greeted by a security guard who frisked me all over. Since the building didn't have any signage that suggested it was a place where carnal pleasures abound, like Big Papa or MAN-hattan, I asked the guard if the place was indeed a gay bar.

"No, sir, this isn't a gay bar," the guard spilled.

"What do you mean?"

"This is a bath house, sir," he said.

"Huh?"

As if on cue, another man appeared from behind the door and greeted me.

"Sir, this is Club F, a bath house catering to discreet gays and bisexuals. Come, let me show you around."

So apparently, the driver hasn't been to the place before. I mean, whoa, a bath house! Inside, there were amenities like a video room where you could watch x-rated DVD's, a videoke room- probably for the divas, quarters for when you decide to go all the way, a steam room and a bar.

After the quick tour I decided what the heck, I was there already so might as well indulge.

In the end, I lost my virginity in a bath house. Gay-wise, as I've been with women before. I was a "top" and had one of those anonymous sex with a gay guy whose name I forgot. I felt dirty afterwards and it wasn't anything that I've expected at all.

I should have waited until I had a boyfriend, I know, but it was a sperm of the moment thing.

They say once you pop you can't stop but I don't know, I haven't felt the urge to have sex with another guy again anytime soon. Does this mean I'm straight, or bisexual?

I'm one confused pup, really.