Venturing Out

I wanna run to you

2007-11-11T15:46:00.000+08:00

I know, I know, this blog is running the risk of being dramatic. Which so not my style.

But then I was browsing through my collection of mps's and found the song "I Wanna Run to You" by Regine Velasquez. This part of the song just struck a chord.

"Oh, what's the sense
of trying to hard to find your dreams
without someone to share it with
tell me what does it mean..."

Sadly, I have to admit I've been married to my work for quite a time. And I am just freaking 24! This is no way to live. But the thing, crazy as it may seem, I love my job too. I only hate it when it's Friday (or Saturday or Sunday) and my friends have their own itinerary and I am left to myself. I work my ass off, and Im thinking, wouldn't it be nice if I have both a successful career and a partner for real?

Will you show yourself already??

Anyways. I was checking out Jun's blog and came across something very funny.

"My relatives at were again at our house for our town fiesta a few days ago.
Because I was not there, it was inevitable that the topic of their conversation
was ‘the most contentiously the only homosexual in the world with a surname
similar as theirs’.
My sister told me over the phone: “They just can’t seem
to understand that you’re just … workaholic.”

Haha, I can so relate! I know the drill too well.

When I stay in the office late on Fridays, my officemates would always give me some unsolicited advices, all to the effect that I should enjoy myself more. And stop being so damn workaholic. Well, friends, it's not like I have a choice, do I? Im too scared to go out in the gay scene. And all that hard partying... it's just not my style, ya know.

I wonder how many people out there are in the same situation as I am.

I am good looking, for chrissakes. (Nyahaha...)

Drama

2007-10-30T21:49:00.000+08:00

I'm kind of feeling low today. I hate to admit it, but not being with someone sucks.

Sigh, where are you?

Alam mo Yon??

2007-10-27T14:15:00.000+08:00

Here's a freaking hilarious semi-poem that I came across with. It's about a kolehiyala stalking a guy.

"Desperadang Kolehiyala"
by:Kiko_kikay of BSN 3

Oh my gosh! Who's that gwapo guy inside the car?
He's like the one i saw kanina sa library!
As in! I can't help it, tumayo talaga my hairs
Unitl now, Im super duper kilig
Alam mo yon!!!

I want to make habol nga sa car niya!
Pero parang di carry ng powers ko!
Kasi naman he drives 45 km. per hour
Kung gagawin ko yun, he might think
na ako ay isang cheetah
And that is super duper nakakahiya
Alam mo yon!!!

Minsan nga I snatched his cellphone
Para lang makuha number niya
Pero i was boba talaga
Kasi hindi pala siya makakareply
Kasi naman his 3G phone was
with me pala
So binalik ko na lang
Ang simcard niya
Kaya textmate na kami
Alam mo yon!!!

Haaaiii... So nakakagigil ang smile niya
with his braces
Shining shimmering splendid talaga
Buti nalang magkatabi ang rooms namin tomorrow
Siya nasa classroom
Ako naman nasa maintenance office
Bukas humanda siya!
Alam mo yon!!!

Gym?

2007-10-27T12:59:00.000+08:00

I'm thinking of hitting the gym again- seriously, this time. In the past, I paid for a year-long membership and I was able to drop by and work out for about... 10 times only.

How do you guys do it? Find the discipline and all? And the food! How can you turn your back on chocolates, ice cream, cakes, sugar, spice and everything nice?

But now there's a well-furnished gym in my office building, and it's free. I am tempted to pull myself together and be a gym nut, but something else is making me hesitant.

I tend to become very self conscious. I cannot -even if my life depended on it- lift heavy weights. I have very weak arms and chest, I fucking hate them. And so when I am in the gym, I am resigned to lift only 10's or 15's. Which is so not cool. I am like Jane Fonda, dumbells in hands, in a TV aerobics program.

Should I, or should I not? It's a really petty issue but I don't want to look like a clumsy arse in the office gym.

Been a while

2007-10-26T02:38:00.001+08:00

Whoa, that was like, a decade since I last posted an entry.

Many things have happened already. Most of it, however, do not relate to love life. Sigh, Im as dry as ever. Other than the short-lived fling that I had with a Jap-Chinese-Filipino that I met from chatting, there is nothing to talk about.

My late nights are reduced to movie and TV series marathon, and endless clicks on manilagayguy.com.

But I am back and will be posting entries again. Ah, the journey begins anew.

Later alligator.

Locker Room situation

2007-02-18T04:27:00.000+08:00

This one's hilarious.

Do's and Dont's in the Locker Room.

Locker Room Etiquette

Wicked

2007-02-05T03:27:00.000+08:00

Naughtiness alert!

Yesterday I went over to my friend's place. My friend, a sweet girl, had invited me and another friend, a guy, for dinner and DVD. She lived solo in her condo and would occasionally have friends come over, and it was my first time at her place. I love being in the company of these two friends, they're fun and career-minded like me.

Now this guy friend of mine kind of acts like a kid: hugging everyone, making childish jokes, always loud. I had hinted that he's PLU, or at least bi, but I don't have this thing called gay-dar so I could never confirm. He's no Tom Cruise, but he looked alright and confident. And manly.

He said he would be staying until 11 PM only, he had to go to his friend's place right after.

While Girl was in the kitchen, Guy laid himself on the air bed while I sat near his feet and watched television. The airconditioning was in full blast so Guy was covered in blanket. All of a sudden, Guy's foot was skimming my legs. I didn't take it for anything and just assumed he was toying around so I didn't mind. He kept at it.

Dinner was up and we acted naturally. As good buddies. After the meal, the tree of us laid down on the mattress and watched some movies. A few minutes later, there was Guy's feet again. It was brushing against my legs and now my crotch. I instantly had a hard-on. I covered the region with a throw pillow so they wouldn't notice.

Minutes later, Guy's hand was already on my stomach and feeling me all over. His hand was still under the blanket and the throw pillow was still in place so Girl had no idea what was happening.

Then Guy went third base and gave me a hand job. All under Girl's nose.

I couldn't believe what was happening. Like what the people in the news would say, "Ang bilis ng mga pangyayari."

After about an eternity he stopped and announced he had to go. I was relieved, because if he kept at it I could have made a big mess. Literally and figuratively.

He got up and acted as though nothing had happened. I acted the same way and even joked with him. When he was out, I turned my attention to Girl and we chatted like I had not just been in probably the most compromising position of my life.

Hmmm, what to do, what to do. I don't want to have anything to do with Guy in that sense because I like our friendship and he's my officemate (surprise, surprise). He hasn't texted me anything so far and I don't intend on doing the same.

Don't tell me it's gonna be all awkward and I just lost a friend.

But it's not my damn fault!

Nuthin'

2007-01-29T11:38:00.000+08:00

i have been awfully quiet, I know. The simple reason is that nothing's really been happening.

There's this guy that I've been texting. When I say text, I mean just the standard hi and helloes and how's freaking work. He works as a restaurant manager. He's tall and neat looking, but somehow I don't feel we connect, even in our pseudo-conversations over the phone.

We haven't met each other face to face yet, he's always busy with his job and me with mine. Chris, my newfound friend, tells me it is imperative for two people to meet, and I believe him. This guy doesn't look too keen about meeting up though. Every now and then my phone just blinks with hi's and helloes. I'm really confused as to what his agenda is.

I think I shouldn't be wasting my time. I plan on telling him it's petty and it's not working.

P.S.

Thanks to everyone dropping comments. Call me?

The typical twenty-something

2007-01-12T03:04:00.000+08:00

Lately I have been chatting with some people who read my blog (thanks for dropping by, you guys!). It seems that I've piqued some people's interests with my situation and, well, my general perspective on this guy to guy thing.

To begin with, I've never had any relationship with another guy and I don't claim to know much about starting or sustaining one. I'm new.

But the thing is, in many ways, I'm a little idealistic as I venture out into this field. See, I'm not and don't intend to be a player, and I don't go about looking for someone just to share carnal pleasures with. I'm all for a good, honest relationship.

People warn me about "typical" guys of my age. Im 24. I warned against guys who'd just break my heart, the kind who sleeps around and looks for "exciting things because, hell, life is short and we're still young so we gotta enjoy life!"

Okay, question. Are you fucking for real? Is this really the typical "PLU" (thanks for the term, Chris)? I mean, seriously. Is a monogamous guy really a rarity? Because if it is, then my chances of trying out a guy to guy relationship runs really thin then! I don't ever intend to date someone- guy or girl- who's into an "open" relationship. It's ridiculous. It hasn't got any real meaning and it's just headed for big trouble. I have problems understanding why a person wouldn't want to invest time, energy and emotions on that one person that he or she loves. I also have a difficult time understanding how a person would just want to keep playing around, those who want nothing but fuck buddies. Lately I've been thinking about re-assessing my priorities. Maybe I'm better off with a girl after all.

When I say I'd like to be in a monogamous relationship, I don't mean wearing a polka-dot duster and settling down like some old couple in Pleasantville. Come ON, it's not like I'm saying I wanna get married when I say I'd like a serious boyfriend.

Where do you find sane guys like these? Not G4M, I've been told, because according to some, most people there are just after hook-ups and one-night stands.

Is there hope? Coz you know, I really still believe in love.

Help, you guys?

Who stopped sending text messages?

2007-01-08T01:55:00.000+08:00

An online friend of mine set me up on a date with someone. My second date.

This was in December. Date number 2 and I had been texting and calling a lot since we exchanged phone numbers. He'd been wanting us to meet early on but I told him I wasn't prepared yet, I mean, not after my first date which turned out to be a big disappointment. I kept begging off, telling him I was busy etcetera etcetera. But he was so insistent so finally I told him, "Okay, let's meet."

We met at Starbucks at 1 AM. He wore this black jacket, I was in my usual tee and jeans getup, nothing fancy. I had done some massive Christmas shopping earlier that day and must have looked a little haggard. I had started scouting for presents in the malls around 8PM and went home at 12 AM since SM was closing that late what with the Christmas shoppers and all.

Black Jacket looked okay but seemed kind of neurotic. Over coffee, we would talk about his job and suddenly he'd stare into space. In his text and YM messages he was a sweet and big chatterbox but face to face he'd barely talk. He also kept fudgeting in his seat. I must be really making him uncomfortable. Which is insane because I was the newbie in this field.

"Come on, let's talk about something," I'd offer. Sometimes I'd get some words out of him and sometimes I'd get his blank stares. And then he'd smile. I like his smile.

We talked a little about his job and mine until I thought we were getting nowhere. "Shall we go?" I asked him. I knew that his place was near mine, he told me so over the phone before, so I offered that we could share a cab. He politely declined, saying he needed to go somewhere first. "At this hour?" I asked him, and he replied with some mambo jambo. It suddenly occured to me that either he thought I was an axe murderer (psycho music plays on cue) and he needed to get away from me quick, or he thought I was rather a disappointment.

Of course my ego got hurt. I mean, who did this guy think he was? He wasn't Tom Cruise himself.

When I got home he texted me that it was nice seeing me. I said to myself who was he kidding. I didn't reply to his message and from that point on he stopped sending me text messages.

A few days after the date, the friend who set us up apologized. He said he was sorry we didn't quite match up. It wasn't his fault, of course, and I told him I'd gladly go through a lot of weird and deplorable dates if it meant finding The One in the end of the day.

"He said you stopped texting him," my friend tells me.

Hold on, something wasn't right. "No, he stopped texting me," I contended. My friend said Black Jacket told him it's the other way around.

I thought for a moment. Alright, I had used my spare SIM card in my cellphone that night we met and then changed back to my reguler SIM card the following day. He must have been texting me on that spare SIM that night and I wasn't able to read his messages, I give him that. But he knew both my numbers. If he thought I wasn't replying, he could have tried the other number.

All the same, I gave up the potentiality of the two of us trying it out so I no longer bothered to make it an issue.

Today, however, I received a text message from Black Jacket. He said hello... etcetra etcetera... I hope you find what you're looking for.

I don't quite get this guy. Should I pursue him? I really did like him the way he was before that episode in Starbucks, but as Darren Hayes sang, "on the telephone lines (we are) anyone, (we are) anything we wanna be."

Once again I'm one confused puppy.

Danny boy

2007-01-08T01:07:00.000+08:00

My, but he's made contact!

I'm talking about this guy, Dan, that I have a man-crush on. Since I started reading his blog a few weeks back, I'm hooked to his stories. He's Filipino but he attends an international university in Singapore (I think). Yes, he's a student. No, I'm not corrupting a minor you pervs, it's not like he's 12. But he looks really cute with his wavy hair and all. And he's smart. Just my kin of guy. I dropped a comment on one of his blog entries and he replied to my comment. He said, "Thanks for dropping by my page... Happy new year."

I feel like a teenager all over again!

Isn't he cutie cutie?

Deadline

2006-12-13T00:57:00.000+08:00

I'm 24. I know I'm not getting any younger. Do you think it's still possible that I meet someone I really like and who likes me back before the year actually ends? I was kind of hoping that I'd change my Friendster status from "Single" to "In a Relationship" by Christmas. My profile at G4M – a gay/bi-oriented website – goes...

I dont consider that there's got to be a special place to meet people, to meet the one. it could be in a plane, in a jeepney, walking the pedestrian lane on your way to work, or right here at g4m. im not complicated and dont want to get involved in someone with too much drama (some would be okay, haha). i like the beach a lot, but hey, that doesnt mean im ripped like a model so for those who date only buffed guys, skip to the next profile, ayt? that's not to say im fat, though. My profile used to say that im hoping to meet my first boyfriend by Christmas '06, but i dont know, with me trying to keep this 'other' life secret, im gonna need your patience so maybe December is unreasonable.

The thing is, I've been spending all my past 23 Christmases as a single guy. You know how it works. You spend it with your family. You exchange text messages with friends and greet them some Santa Claus crap. You go out with your friends for reunion and corny stuff like that. And then your friends who are not single ask you uncomfortable questions like, "When are you gonna get a girlfriend?" or "How's your love life?" You just smile and try to change the topic, while at the back of your head you want to kick their faces and roast them alive. I mean, do their entire lives revolve around me and they feel incomplete if I don't get myself a partner?

To single gay/bi guys out there,

How do you spend your Christmas? Comments are welcome.

Looking, checking

2006-12-09T05:21:00.000+08:00

In response to my post about my first date that, well, just plain sucked, Chris, a good friend who I still haven't met personally, gave me what I think is the best tip in the world...

THE BEST PLACES TO MEET DISCREET GUYS

Places to meet discreet guys and NOT catch them in the "i want sex" mode or be thought of as in that mode.

(1) badminton court. basketball court. tennis court. (the guy with the other guys but who somewhat keeps physically distant from the rest.)

(2) bookstores. (the one browsing -- not the one looking at everyone who passes by.)

(3) groceries (esp sunday evenings, the guy who is shopping alone and doesn't carry a list. check out what he buys, that is very telling.)

(4) gym (the more "suplado" ones -- pero di yung nagmamaganda lang. i think i mean the one who doesn't get too close to the other gym bunnies or the instructors but who is seriously working out. NOT in the shower, locker, sauna or steam room please!)

(5) places where straights go gimmick. (they're the ones without the date -- e.g. couple +1. or the ones who are with more than one female date -- one guy, 3 girls, for example. or one of the guys who are with one girl who doesn't exactly look like a date -- e.g. 3 or 2 guys, 1 girl.)

(6) in your building (at home or at work BUT not from your floor or your office, please.)

(7) school. MBA is a good source. =)

The guy you want:

(1) he's the guy the looks at you more than 3 seconds, more than twice. if he smiles, be brave and smile back. look, don't stare.

(2) he'll be harder to figure out -- coz he's discreet. you might actually end up meeting a straight guy so you just have to be patient and collect friends.

(3) dressed and groomed ordinarily -- neat but not too distinguishable from the crowd. not the one who looks like he is trying to get into a fashion magazine.

---

Another thing that Chris tells me is this: Quality takes time. Which makes absolute sense, I know. Quality equals going through rounds of barf and disasters before hitting the prized bone. Sorry, poor choice of metaphor.

My message to The One, show yourself, man.

First Date

2006-12-07T07:19:00.000+08:00

I had been exchanging messages with a guy that I met- virtually- in the internet. He seemed nice and cool so when he asked for my mobile number, I obliged. I don’t usually give my phone number out to people who I chat with, I mean, I am just freaking paranoid about people finding out about me. But I was curious about how far the texting and chatting would go with this guy so I indulged.

I found out that he was working as a technical support agent in a call center. Thankfully, though, he didn’t have that fake American accent that always makes me want to pull my nose hairs one by one. I also discovered that he’s in a straight long distance relationship and that his girlfriend is in the US. I didn’t know if he was kidding me. I asked him what he was doing being cutey with me when he already had a girlfriend and he said he’s not sure the long distance thing he was having was going to work. In other words, I’m his fallback.

Right then I decided that I wanted to just be friends with the guy. I actually have no gay or bisexual friends so having him would make the grand total of one, a stellar improvement.

After about a month of text jokes and how are you’s we decided to meet. I initially wanted to meet him at the Shangri-La mall in Shaw Boulevard since I was afraid that if we met in Makati someone I knew would see us hanging around, but the guy raised a good point that it was too far from where he’s from- which is also Makati- so being the good person that I am (and because I thought I was being difficult) I agreed to meet him in our area. Let’s meet at Powerplant, I told him.

He was late. Not minutes late but two hours late. He apologized profusely and I pretended it was okay by saying, well, “It’s okay.”

We discussed his life over dinner in a Chinese resto. He revealed that besides the girl in the US, he was in yet another relationship with a guy this time. I realized then that I was face to face with a gold digger who is fond of sugar mommies and sugar daddies. Which was kind of incredible because he wasn’t exactly callboy material.

I asked him point blank what his intention was with me.

Funny thing, instead of answering my question he took his cellphone out from his pocket and sent me a text message. It read:

“If you want to have experience, just text me.”

Fucking call boy.

I laughed it off and pretended he didn’t just text me that. After dinner I asked him if he wanted to grab some coffee. He turned to me and said, “Do you want to go to my place?”

Now I must tell you that I’m a little naïve when things come down to this. Does going to the another person’s place automatically mean you’re going to have sex? But I already told this guy I only wanted to be friends with him.

So I said yes. But I made it clear nothing was going ta happen. "We can watch some DVD's then," he offered.

We got into a cab. Inside, I got uncomfortable with what I put myself into. And it must have showed because out came his cellphone again.

“Are you afraid of me?” read the text message.

I looked at him and said no.

We got off a few blocks near his place. I asked him what movies we were going to watch. Naïve, I know. We were walking some few steps when he suddenly pulled me to a dark corner in the street and asked me a question.

“Are we really not going to have sex?”

I thought for a moment about what he said. “You see it’s like this,” I began. “I just want us to be friends. Nothing more.” I actually meant it, I wanted to be friends with him.

“You mean that?”

“Yes,” I said.

"But that's... boring," he complained. Then he went silent. He was probably disturbed that he wasn’t going to do anyone that night.

“I could just go home, you know. I don’t have to go to your place if you think this is a waste of time,” I offered. He insisted it wasn’t a waste of time but I knew better. I decided to get the hell out of the unpretty situation and hailed myself a cab to grab that Starbucks I wanted to down when we were still at the mall.

First date sucks.

Awakened

2006-12-03T01:31:00.000+08:00

When I was little, about 5 or 6, I was playing tag with my friends. I wasn't "it," so my role was to be out of reach and run around the neighborhood like some dog gone nuts.

I ran into another playmate's house to hide. This was perfectly okay because the people in my neighborhood were very close with each other and tightly knit, you wouldn't even be surprised to wake up and see some neighbor's kid peeing in your own bathroom. I've had lunches in my neighbors' homes as well, and I'd just announce to them, "Tita, I'm eating here today, what's for lunch?"

So anyway I run into this house to hide under the stairs. My playmate's older brother, let's call him Ramon, suddenly shows up in the living and sees me hiding.

"You'd be seen there." He calls out. "Come, hide here."

I rise up and go to him. "Where?"

This is the blurry part of my recollection. I cannot recall or understand for the life of me why the next thing I knew I was sitting on his lap and I felt... aroused.

Yeah, at 6 years old.

I just remember siting there, and he was lifting me with his lap up and down... up and down... and my little twat had stirred into life. Ramon clearly saw from the expression on my face that I was experiencing "something" and he just lifted me higher and higher. He was amused that I got a little hard-on. Wait, I don't know if I actually had a hard-on, really, I was six for chrissakes. But the arousal was sure there. I think this was the turning point of my life when I got some faint idea about my sexuality. The years of confusion would start that day.

Weeks or probably months after that, I was watching televison in that same neighbor's house when from the corner of the door I saw Ramon making signs to get my attention. He was telling me to go to him.

I stood and followed. He led me to a corner in the kitchen, unzipped his pants and let out his cobra.

Ramon was I think around 18 years old so you would understand my horror.

"Touch it," he tells me. "Come on."

I said no and he took my hand and forced it to lock on his cobra.

So there we were in the kitchen, my hand on the cobra and Ramon making some weird sounds and faces. He tells me to move my hand up and down the shaft but I don't move a muscle. He doesn't insist so we just stand there at that awkward position.

This would happen for about two more times until I didn't look his way anymore when he'd make his signals.

I was too embarrassed and afraid to tell anyone this and this is the first time that I get it out of my system.

To Ramon, I have a message for you.

I give you the finger.

Post script

Ramon is straight- I think, has a wife and kids now- I think, and lives abroad as an OFW. He is ugly fugly.

Mind boggler

2006-12-02T04:29:00.000+08:00

Why do, uh, confused guys have this unquestionable fondness for singers who belt it out like there's no tomorrow?

I mean singers like Mariah Carey, Regine Velasquez, Celine Dion (she's debatable, though) or anyone who practically screams when hitting the really high notes. In the elevator, when no one's around, I sometimes find myself humming to songs like "I don't wanna close my eyes... I don't wanna fall asleep coz I miss you babe and I don't wanna miss-a-the-eng!" In the shower, I go "Spread your wings fly, my... butterfy!" Of course, I do this a little silently that only I can hear my singing, but because of the stress that I put on my vocal chords, seriously man, I could expect to be growing goiter anytime soon.

I don't know, it's like an unwritten law decreed as an addendum to the 10 Commandments that if you're not straight, then thou shall treat Mariah or Regine as thy ultimate queen.

Of course, when I'm with straight friends I never admit that I actually like these kind of songs. Nevermind that I know all of Regine's songs, I'd never admit that I sing to her. I know some guys who adore her and these are people who are rumored to be hiding in the closet.

Sometimes I go the gym and guess who's in my Mp3 player?

I need not say.

Losing it

2006-11-30T03:16:00.000+08:00

This happened just four weeks ago. It was Friday night and I decided to have myself a night out alone in some seedy tadah! gay bar.

It was going to be my fourth (I think) time in a gay bar. I always go alone; like I said, I don't have any gay friends. The first gay bar that I've been to was somewhere in Sta. Mesa, Manila. I was scared as hell and when the hunk of a guy who moments ago was dancing buck naked on the stage grabbed a chair beside me and made some talk, I panicked. "So, you here frequently?" he asked. "I'm a writer, I'm just doing research!" I blurted out like a guilty schoolboy.

This time, I wanted to go someplace that wasn't very far from Makati. I asked the driver if he knew of such place and he suggested this "secret bar that looks just like an ordinary bar from the outside but if you get in, the place is packed with macho dancers." He spoke as if he'd been to the place before, but I didn't investigate further. "Is the place safe?" A stupid question, I know, but it wouldn't hurt to ask. "Yes, it's perfectly safe," he tells me."It's by the road and there's a lot of cabs that pass by, you wouldn't have trouble getting home." Awww, spoken like a true pimp.

To the "secret place" then.

When we arrived, I was greeted by a security guard who frisked me all over. Since the building didn't have any signage that suggested it was a place where carnal pleasures abound, like Big Papa or MAN-hattan, I asked the guard if the place was indeed a gay bar.

"No, sir, this isn't a gay bar," the guard spilled.

"What do you mean?"

"This is a bath house, sir," he said.

"Huh?"

As if on cue, another man appeared from behind the door and greeted me.

"Sir, this is Club F, a bath house catering to discreet gays and bisexuals. Come, let me show you around."

So apparently, the driver hasn't been to the place before. I mean, whoa, a bath house! Inside, there were amenities like a video room where you could watch x-rated DVD's, a videoke room- probably for the divas, quarters for when you decide to go all the way, a steam room and a bar.

After the quick tour I decided what the heck, I was there already so might as well indulge.

In the end, I lost my virginity in a bath house. Gay-wise, as I've been with women before. I was a "top" and had one of those anonymous sex with a gay guy whose name I forgot. I felt dirty afterwards and it wasn't anything that I've expected at all.

I should have waited until I had a boyfriend, I know, but it was a sperm of the moment thing.

They say once you pop you can't stop but I don't know, I haven't felt the urge to have sex with another guy again anytime soon. Does this mean I'm straight, or bisexual?

I'm one confused pup, really.

Who's venturing out?

2006-11-29T01:30:00.000+08:00

I want to tell you something. Lean a bit closer.

I'm gay. At least I think I am. Sometimes I think it's just a phase... but most of the time I'm just one confused pup.

I've already had sex with both sexes. With the girls, it's cool and I like it. With the guy (yes, singular), I was a "top" and it felt... weird. And dirty. Maybe I'm just bisexual, but when I think about the long term, I kind of imagine myself with a guy in some kind of domestic partnership. That's why I think I'm gay. Discreetly gay— my friends don't know. But I think some of them suspect, though.

I'm 24, running on twenty-five in just a few months. I'm not getting younger! You know what I'd like? A boyfriend. I get all warm inside just thinking about it. But the problem about being discreet is you get too paranoid you almost never give yourself a chance. But now I'd like to give myself that chance. I think I'd want to start dating guys. *blush* Haha, jeezuz.

I live in Makati, Philippines in an apartment that I share with some friends. I like to travel around the country and go to nice beaches. I'm friendly, but not too much. I don't have any gay friends so you can only imagine how close I am to losing my mind having no one who, you know, understands. But I'm no drama queen, I take on life with a strong head (and heart).

I keep another blog, a regular one, but Venturing Out is special. It's the real me talking.

Will you be listening?

Everything has a beginning

2006-11-28T18:21:00.000+08:00

... and it starts right here, right now.